In this contemporary era of dating and breakups, heart break is always predicted yet it’s always the hardest to embrace. Amidst the traditions of marriage and responsibilities of parents and siblings, people tend to fall short of expectations and hurt the one’s who had to be loved with the same intensity.
The root for so much pain and misery usually arises from one facing the synonym of these feelings. In medicine, once a virus spreads to another body the former carrier is no longer affected by it. The only outlet of pain is to create more pain either to himself or to others. Whether it’s self harm, suicide, high-school bullying or severe domestic violence, the only way to reduce suffering is to direct it else where.
So don’t over pity the victims. And don’t hate the perpetuators. Understand them, empathise with them, accept and later improve them. Pity them-they crave attention and warmth. But above all, love them. Because that’s what they need most.
Ever since I was a child, I was told by my family that I am special. They repeated it till the time I started to believe in it too. Then I grew up and realised everyone thinks he/she is special. In fact it is everyone’s deepest and utmost desire to stand out in a crowd, to be extraordinary.
Even though everyone thinks the alike, there are some who prove them right. Sally Ride was the first woman to go to moon, Newton discovered gravity, Karl Menz invented the first ever car. Guinness World Book is full of people with special talents which make them extraordinary just like the people mentioned above. They are famous for being the smartest, most creative, perhaps some even the prettiest.All the famous geniuses are extraordinary for humanity today and also for mankind in the future. They will be remembered and cherished. Their names will be echoed in houses and achievements carved on museum walls.
I don’t want to be remembered till the end of times or even be called special through an achievement I stumble upon in the present. For me, what makes me special is the people who love me and the influence I had over their lives. It is the love I can impart and how much I can do for my people. Being extraordinary is perhaps just another way of asking for love and in return giving it too. A life full of love and joy, full of memories and happiness is a life which would make me special. That’s a life I can die for. That’s a life which will make me stand out because in this harsh world, it’s very rare that people are loved genuinely.
Is there something constant in this world of ever changing phenomenas? Can something be persistent in a world of inconsistencies. Perhaps love. The oldest emotion known to mankind. Once i was laying down with my parents and i asked them after 35 years of their marriage if they got bored of each other or if their love somehow decreased. My father replied that his love for my mother increases everyday and he never fathomed it could ever fade away.Maybe that’s eternal love?
The notion of eternal love is magical yet terrifying. That you could live with one person for the rest of your life and never want anything more. That maybe forevers are real and the feeling of the ‘one’ is pure.Feelings dont fade and distance doesnt matter. We will marry the first person we date and always be happy with it.That decisions are not questioned later, mistakes are tolerated in the end, it is easy to forgive and forget. And the most important- there is happiness, constant undying happiness.
But if there is happiness in our lives all the time, what is the point of this world? This planet wasn’t forged to make us happy, the goal of our lives is not to reach a form of elevated solitude where everything is perfect but to realise that its not possible. This world was constructed to make us realise happiness is not always inevitable in our lives and what truly makes us alive is the pain we feel. Because hurting makes us human. It makes us imperfect and fragile and that is our nature. The cycle of happiness and despair is consant, this cycle will always be there to remind us why we need those sad days so we can appreciate the good one’s.
Maybe when we say ‘always’ , we wonder about the little forever we all have defined differently. Sometimes forever is some minutes and others it is a lifetime. So maybe when we claim always we insinuate as long as we can imagine because who knows what’s in the future? We like to accept this little or infinite forever because it helps us cling to our relation, it motivates us to give our best and most crucially it provides us hope. Hope for a future where there will be only happiness. But that’s not reality is it? So why do we believe in it?
Because in this practical and harsh world, we like to create a sphere of our own fantasies and ideas which will make us sleep better at night. And if we are lucky enough we somehow manage to transist our fantasy into reality.
So while my parents forever is a lifetime, mine is some months, we both believe in always as forevers. And if i am lucky enough to find someone who has the same forever as mine, i’ll be happy with the endless cycle of happiness and despair with him. And if i am the luckiest girl in the world, I might be able to reach a forever my parents did someday with him.
John Wheeler defines time as a force which prevents everything happening all at once, which is a quite logical explanation but it doesn’t cover the whole dimension of it. What do you think is time? Is it relative? Or is it absolute?Is it clocks,stick shadows and phases of moon? Or is it something much greater than that? Does it exist in bursts and pulls,and finally does it exist the same for everyone?
Time is relative. Not only because humanity has found various ways to measure it and define it by but because it is experienced different by everyone. A good time is spent quickly while a hard time goes on for ages. A happier man doesnt think his time in this world was enough and a sad man can’t wait to take away his life.
People also say that time is the best healer of all. But how can we rely to heal from something we don’t quite understand and cant define? How can we rely on something which isn’t absolute? And especially something which isn’t constant?Because time is not the healer of wounds and the all the things people preach about ‘giving it time’ is crap. The ability to heal and move forward from the worst of times, be it a abonding lover, or a pull from the career , the ability to heal is in us this whole time. We have one billion neurons: each neurone forms about 1000 connections to other neurons and neurons combine so each one can help save many memories at a time. So running out of space is not an issue.Then why is it that we remember some moments and not others? Simply because we choose to do so. We prioritise our memories, jog our conscious to recall only what we want. Thus, we know what we choose to know and believe what we decided is right.
So is it time or is it us, which makes us move forward? Perhaps it’s the mixture of both. Perhaps we can learn to filtrate our brain from some memories which we dont want and open our brain to the memories we do.We began to make space for new memories between the synapses in our brains and widen its capacity to endure and then forget about the one’s which brought pain and hurt.The biggest teacher for that is time.
In conclusion, even though time is experienced different to everyone, it teaches everyone the same lesson: patience and self cleansing. Maybe time was a gift God gave us so we can evolve as human beings.A gift which will never wear off: a gift which is the only eternal phenomenon in this consistent world.
In the midst of all that is and that ever was one thing is certain-evolution is inevitable.Evolution from an ape to a fully functioning human, alternation from making fires to match boxes, improvement from pigeon letters to faxes to emails to texts, change from carving and hunting to a 9-4 cubicle fortune, from a room sized computer to a phone in our hands. Through our history change was constant, learning was permanent and so accomplishments and exploits paved their ways.
But all these examples were the one’s brought al together by mankind: by a community, a society, when all the people worked with unity and brought in their own expertise and strenghts, potentials and skills. What about the evolution of an individual? The growth of a single human being? The transformation from a boy to a man?The refining of a personality? The garnishing of character? . The process of evolution as many would agree begins with one’s first heartbreak-the one which pushes him on the washroom floor while tears run down his face, the one which can take away days of sleep, the one where the action of mere curving of lips for a hint of a smile can be too much of an effort, the one which utterly and completely destroys one. That is when ‘life’ happens. I dont mean to convey life is pain and despair, but these are a huge constituent of it.
If you ask me, I would claim with utmost certainty that this is necessary. With the first heartbreak comes the strenght to bear further one’s.The first one is always the hardest. What’s that quote again? ‘Life didnt get easier, I just got better’. I also believe it is the jerk that life gives so reality doesnt hit us pretty hard everytime.
But most importantly heartbreak is the drive that leads to phenomenal innovations and pieces of work remembered and praised through out history. Would Titanic really be famous if Jack didnt die? Would Steve Jobs created Apple if he didn’t drop out from college out of sheer confusion and recklessness. Would Rumi’s poems would really be read and analysed even now if he was a happy soul? . A community evolutizes with time and era , as a whole , but the evolution brought by an entity after his first heartbreak excells and overcomes the former one. That is what I believe is the beauty of heartbreak and the cause of growth.
When I was 8 I had a peculiar interest in making tents. I would gather all the fluffly cushions; the blankets; colorful cloths; every stick i could get my hand on; polished wooden stands and make myself a tent that somewhat resembled an isolated home.A place I would find comfort in, an abode I could call only mine, a site where I would cry and laugh, scream and smile, weep and giggle. It would be only for me, no one could enter or leave, a place that belonged to me and me only.
When I grew older I started making homes out of people, it was the same craft whatsoever just that this time it took more effort.But these homes were dissimilar. I couldnt remake them once they were crumbled; I had to pick up the pieces and join them differently. I also couldnt alter them exactly like I wanted to, however, there came a point where I learned to embrace the faults in my home and rather call them beautiful. I am sure this is something we can all relate to, something we can compare to, something we can even cherish together.
However, what comes next is something we all can relate to as well, fortunately or unfortunately. That’s when we cognize our homes have been wrecked for eternity, when an invincible storm tore down walls, shaked floors and the hurricane cracked roofs. Our dreams were shattered with the reckoning of the bricks. What I believe is that in our life, which sometimes seem quite long, we can only find one home we can truly proclaim ours. So when that breaks down, we do too. But that’s not our greatest sorrow: what comes next is.
We think what we feel at that particular moment will pass, maybe in a few days,weeks or even months but it will and there will come a time when we are happy-completely,utterly,genuinely-when our past will not dominate our memory anymore. But we dont. No matter how many homes we create, we can never omit the one that defined us. We never feel wholly at home again and we have a void in us that we can never ever fill no matter how many years proceed or how many better homes come our way. We move on and yet we stay at the same point, some homes that occupy our heart always remain there no matter what. But we can’t do anything about the ache left behind which haunts us forever- an ache that changes us for better or worse, the latter though having the most probability and- that I believe is our greatest sorrow.